Love, Carrots, Puddles, Cowboy Boots and Santa

Yesterday, I walked in the rain and snow on a grey somewhat yucky day in NYC. I had to make a conscious effort to pull my thoughts out of the murky puddles my boots were constantly dodging. Have you ever had your brain, your heart, your memories and your dreams all play tug of war in your head? It honestly makes me laugh...at me...at life's funny turn of events...at the journey I couldn't control even if I were the real life super hero I sometimes pretend I am. The fact is that most of the time, I am just a silly girl at the end of the day trying to micromanage the impossible land of love.

As much as I wish I were ridiculously eloquent...head-turning classy...overwhelmingly brilliant...impressively disciplined...and mind-blowingly creative 100% of the time... I am simply...me. The great thing about it is that I do have bouts of all of these on occasion, which makes for fun stories and a few good photos. At 41 going on 29, I have finally learned to not take myself quite so seriously, laugh like it's my full time job, and love like crazy.


Years ago, that would not have been good enough for me. I would lay in bed at night and agonize over everything I wasn't...all that was out of order...and all that should have already been accomplished. Instead of being inspired by the creativity around me, I felt cheated by the colors that were always dangling in front of me like that illusive carrot never quite in my reach. My dreams sounded more like the sinister laugh of that grade school bully who had a sadistic way of showing he "liked" me. Remember him? I still want to kick him in the shin sometimes. Hahahaha!

Back to my day in NYC. As I skillfully alluded the puddles while seeking refuge, I began to watch the stories in "people suits" around me. There was the chain smoking executive who was trying to breath in a moment of calm, but missing the point altogether as he stood freezing in the rain. Then, the confident beautiful woman with naturally curly hair, perfect make-up, and clothes that obviously came from Park Ave, who was walking the streets in no less than 4 inch heels. It was almost as if the puddles parted for her. (I had to laugh as I looked down at my scuffed up cowboy boots and $20 jeans.) 

Then, there was him and her. At first glance he looked like Santa, but with a few accessories. He had stark white hair and a beard that was double braided and hung well past his belt. He was accompanied by a sweet lady looking to be in her late 60's. They also took refuge from the weather in the diner where I sat. Trying to be as "un"stalkerish as possible, I leaned in to hear their conversation and steal as many glances as I could. They never took their eyes off each other. That beautiful man had a smile on his face the entire time he drank in every word that came from her lips. They wrecked me!

My heart was pulled into the reality of love that doesn't always make sense. The kind of love that isn't free of murky puddles or even grey rainy days. Love that doesn't need an outside stimulant to get a moment of peace. The flavor of love that can most certainly look like a Park Ave socialite on one side of the street and a simple Texas transplant on the other. The dreamiest of all loves that locks your eyes, your ears, and your heart on the one in front of you where everything else just fades away. Then the greatest love that helps you fall in love with you, your colors, even your carrots, and your dreams.

Love is just brilliant...so perfect...so full of life...so fun...so powerful...so free of fear. Love is the land this simple silly girl has chosen to become a permanent resident in that leaves a smile on my lips and a curious twinkle in my eyes. This land has seasons that are not always controllable, but always definable. Love just is. Simply....I love this life, this land, and I love love.