Love, Carrots, Puddles, Cowboy Boots and Santa

Yesterday, I walked in the rain and snow on a grey somewhat yucky day in NYC. I had to make a conscious effort to pull my thoughts out of the murky puddles my boots were constantly dodging. Have you ever had your brain, your heart, your memories and your dreams all play tug of war in your head? It honestly makes me laugh...at me...at life's funny turn of events...at the journey I couldn't control even if I were the real life super hero I sometimes pretend I am. The fact is that most of the time, I am just a silly girl at the end of the day trying to micromanage the impossible land of love.

As much as I wish I were ridiculously eloquent...head-turning classy...overwhelmingly brilliant...impressively disciplined...and mind-blowingly creative 100% of the time... I am simply...me. The great thing about it is that I do have bouts of all of these on occasion, which makes for fun stories and a few good photos. At 41 going on 29, I have finally learned to not take myself quite so seriously, laugh like it's my full time job, and love like crazy.


Years ago, that would not have been good enough for me. I would lay in bed at night and agonize over everything I wasn't...all that was out of order...and all that should have already been accomplished. Instead of being inspired by the creativity around me, I felt cheated by the colors that were always dangling in front of me like that illusive carrot never quite in my reach. My dreams sounded more like the sinister laugh of that grade school bully who had a sadistic way of showing he "liked" me. Remember him? I still want to kick him in the shin sometimes. Hahahaha!

Back to my day in NYC. As I skillfully alluded the puddles while seeking refuge, I began to watch the stories in "people suits" around me. There was the chain smoking executive who was trying to breath in a moment of calm, but missing the point altogether as he stood freezing in the rain. Then, the confident beautiful woman with naturally curly hair, perfect make-up, and clothes that obviously came from Park Ave, who was walking the streets in no less than 4 inch heels. It was almost as if the puddles parted for her. (I had to laugh as I looked down at my scuffed up cowboy boots and $20 jeans.) 

Then, there was him and her. At first glance he looked like Santa, but with a few accessories. He had stark white hair and a beard that was double braided and hung well past his belt. He was accompanied by a sweet lady looking to be in her late 60's. They also took refuge from the weather in the diner where I sat. Trying to be as "un"stalkerish as possible, I leaned in to hear their conversation and steal as many glances as I could. They never took their eyes off each other. That beautiful man had a smile on his face the entire time he drank in every word that came from her lips. They wrecked me!

My heart was pulled into the reality of love that doesn't always make sense. The kind of love that isn't free of murky puddles or even grey rainy days. Love that doesn't need an outside stimulant to get a moment of peace. The flavor of love that can most certainly look like a Park Ave socialite on one side of the street and a simple Texas transplant on the other. The dreamiest of all loves that locks your eyes, your ears, and your heart on the one in front of you where everything else just fades away. Then the greatest love that helps you fall in love with you, your colors, even your carrots, and your dreams.

Love is just brilliant...so perfect...so full of life...so fun...so powerful...so free of fear. Love is the land this simple silly girl has chosen to become a permanent resident in that leaves a smile on my lips and a curious twinkle in my eyes. This land has seasons that are not always controllable, but always definable. Love just is. Simply....I love this life, this land, and I love love.

The Motorcycle and the Moon

Tonight I played hide and seek with the moon while flying on a shiny red motorcycle. I hid behind trees, expecting to see "him" at the next turn of the road only to find "he" had disappeared behind the clouds for a brief moment. The constant knowing that "he" was always there, whether I could see him or not, reminded me of LOVE...the real kind...the pure kind...the relentless kind...the pursuing kind...the kind that looks like the ONE who created the moon.

There is something so peaceful about having the wind dance wildly around you, while your thoughts get caught up spinning in the confines of that motorcycle helmet. If the walls of my helmet could talk, they would have LOTS to say about what happens on that perfect road, lit up by thousands of stars and the fullest moon you've ever seen. There are secrets that make my eyes smile even when my lips don't move. There are stories that long to be translated to paper and shared with others. There are songs that sing themselves and ask for the happy accompaniment of my heart. There are dreams that make me giggle even though no one else can hear them. What happens in that helmet...stays in that helmet! (That is unless my Blog wins out over keeping all of the special moments to myself!)

You see...I am a romantic...in every sense of the word. I am totally and absolutely preoccupied with LOVE. There is only one thing in this world that has a perfect success rate, and that is what holds my affection, my dreams, my reality, and my everything. I am not talking about just "ushy, gushy romantic love"...although, I am not excluding it either. I am talking about the LOVE that sets you up for the collision that rescues you, prophecies your future, redirects your affection, and sets you up for never ending surprises all in one PERFECTLY ORDAINED MOMENT.

Something happens to someone who has an encounter with the kind of LOVE that makes them believe in something they have never experienced in the natural sense. Everything changes when you can truly fall in love with yourself...good, bad, and ugly. You can actually begin to see how Jesus was moved with the kind of compassion that opened the door for signs and wonders. The walls come crashing down. You realize how much of your past was ruled by fear and that you are never going back to that love-less place. You suddenly have "super human" power to fly higher than any man made superhero in the box office.

Then, the best thing happens...You become like a sponge; a "hungry hippo"; a spoiled rotten son or daughter of the King; an empowered child who expects nothing less than perfect love to chase them down, win them over, lead them, and surround them. You dream the dreams that fools talk about and make really smart people roll their eyes, but secretly desire. You want to love and be loved more than anything...so you just do it. 

You become like a girl who decided to stop being afraid of riding motorcycles and begin making memories, taking pictures, and saying yes to things that would require unprecedented trust.  

The Ceiling...The Floor...The Heroes

This morning I saw a picture of an amazing floor that was made up of the most exotic and beautiful woods I had ever seen. You could get lost in the maze-like grains that looked like a masterpiece with every step you took. When you dared lift your eyes from the beauty right below you, you could see miles of peaks and valleys, all taking you to new heights in every direction.

The closer I looked, the more I realized this floor was alive. Then God began to show me the multitudes of heroes that make up my life from my past and in my now. Their ceiling had provided the perfect floor where I am allowed to run, dance, play, work, and live with a green light.

Some will show you a mirror that helps you fall in love with you. Some will inspire you to count the stars. Some will make you want to be better. Some will make you long for your solo act to become a team. Some will make you laugh and then laugh some more. Some will make you feel safe to jump off cliffs. Some will grow your family. Some will make you hope they will be there until the very end. Some will swoop in for one glorious encounter and leave an impression that turns into a tattoo you don't want to hide. Some will leave, and that's OK, because the moment you had never will. Some will capture your heart and protect it. Some will make you smile and wish for the fairytale to come and invade your reality. Some will give you license to fly just watching them do somersaults on earth and in the sky. Some will make you sigh and shrug your shoulders in awe. Some will sneak into your dreams and make you not want to wake up. Some will require a risk, but be completely worth it. Some will listen to your stories with sheer excitement and not let you know it's the third time you have told them. Some will push you to tears because they know you have more in you. Some will think you are completely nuts and entirely brilliant at the same time. Some will see way more in you than you are able to see and hold you to it. Some couldn't see you ugly on your worst day and the ones who do, don't even care. Some will show you in brilliance what Jesus looks like, because they just look like Him.

My heroes...all so vital to the journey.

I am the wealthiest woman alive with friends and family who have seen the greatness in me and have never let me settle for anything less. This is my dream....that my ceiling could be your floor, your springboard, your trampoline, your runway, your launching pad, and your safety net...that the Jesus you see in me would transcend what I can or can't do in the natural and be the inspiration you have been to me.

Playing "Follow the Leader"

I have been looking back at many of the FORMING moments in my life since moving to my "City of Glory" (NYC) in 2008. The day I said "yes" to something so foreign, yet strangely familiar, everything changed. Even as God knew me before the foundation of the world, it's like there was a homing device in the deepest part that drew me to this place where me and my dreams would come alive. Every step of the way, every mishap, every blip, every adventure, and every turn is what makes up a somewhat chaotic looking road-map, which is as perfect as the Leader I was following.

One of the highlights is a bleak, grey, and rainy day when I was walking on a NYC street I had never been, unusually alone, and with tears streaming down my face, hidden by a well placed umbrella. As a girl who is constantly dreaming, creating, laughing, and living a romantic comedy in my mind, I was strangely numb and a little scared of "the next." The scenes were not playing out exactly like I imagined and I began to ask a lot of questions. Avoiding potholes filled with muddy water and remembering to not stand within "splash range" of the taxis, helped to distract me from the task at hand of being a little too introspective.

At that moment, "Show Me Your Glory" came exploding through my headphones and I listened to "I see the cloud, and I step in" over and over again. Then it was there. There was a thicker cloud under that umbrella than any of the ones covering the tops of buildings. His Presence enveloped me from head to toe and words were no longer needed. The answers mysteriously found their way to my heart. The joy that functions like my skin began to do it's job. The great city whose streets I adored began to pull a greatness out of me that looked like compassion as His smile covered me like liquid love.

On those streets, I began a journey to learn how to really trust that my Maker had not forgotten how He had created me. It was He who had put the impossible dreams and desires inside the very fiber of my being. He had only to look at me once with those perfect eyes and I was forever a "yes man" to Him. We began creating a new history that would unlock levels of passion as they were needed. Fear couldn't stand a chance with such massive amounts of love swirling me.

That grey day had more color and life than the first day of spring and all of a sudden I wasn't afraid to dream even bigger, walk more streets I had never been on before, and play my favorite game, "Follow the Leader."

Sometimes Concrete Looks Like Gold

Tonight I walked up 8th avenue towards 42nd on the same concrete streets I have walked nearly every week over the last year. I wore a huge smile on my face and carried a melody I haven't ever heard before in my ears. There have been interesting moments on these walks when I pulled my bag in a little closer and just watched with a little more intention, then there are nights like tonight when I could have sworn I was walking alone on bricks of gold. I honestly couldn't tell you if there was anyone else on the streets tonight, although there are the faint sounds of impatient cabbies in my far memory bank.

It's like I could see more clearly in the unseen than what was actually there around me. I am finding this "transition" happening more frequently as the realm of the Spirit becomes more and more real. This Creator, who knows every intricate facet of my being, is weaving a brilliant plan, all the while directing my path and leading me from one surprise to the next here in the natural.

A few days ago in another fairy-tail world deep in the Caribbean, I laid in the middle of a heli-pad on a gigantic cruise ship watching shooting stars until after midnight and talked about things I want to do that would take at least 3 lifetimes to accomplish. With the exception of the rocking of the boat, the "place" He took me felt very similar to my "streets of gold" in NYC tonight.

There is a land I live in deep in the heart of my Father where dreams come true...love explodes like a volcano with no fear or hindrance...buildings have my name on the mailbox...people come in mass to get free and get happy...creators make stuff without limit or fear...dancers use every square inch of their body to mimic the wind...stadiums are filled with sounds that wrap every person like a cocoon and leaves them no choice but to emerge with gigantic wings...daughters let their Father define the treasure they are before anyone else can tell them a lie...sons learn the art of pursuit in His Presence...mothers and fathers never grow old, but just get better and better at teaching us how to tie our shoes...and romance leaks into every thought, dream, and reality.

That is the "place" where I live and exist. Sometimes it looks like a cruise ship. Sometimes it looks like a golden street under a concrete disguise in New York City. Sometimes it is in the eyes of the one who makes you feel like a million bucks. Sometimes it is in the laughter of a friend who gets you and even in the questioning face of the one who doesn't. Sometimes it is in a yellow diamond that will someday hopefully find it's way home. Sometimes it is in the risky plan of a new friend who is crazy enough to go for really big ridiculous stuff.

This Land...This Place...This Man...This Creator...This Love...is more real to me than the chair I am sitting in. It's good. I like it. You should definitely hang out there.

The Day God Looked Like Nick

So, I am on a forever journey of learning, looking, laughing, and loving. Some days I still feel like this little blonde hair, blue eye'd toddler standing up on the front seat of my parent's car on long trips across Texas, talking incessantly and asking questions that are as bottomless as the sea. (Don't judge them...there were no laws about such things back then.) The funny thing about the questions I ask is that many of them will be forgotten in the not so far future, because it's way more about discovery in the moment for me.

On Sunday afternoon, I had the loveliest Brunch with one of my favorite people. While waiting for our table, we occupied a bench on the Upper East side and prophesied over a young mommy and her perfect baby girl. With tight hugs to complete strangers, she thanked us for the "good thoughts" and our hearts melted knowing they both had encountered REAL LOVE that would mark them forever. We went on to do typical "girl" things which usually aren't my bag, but somehow felt entirely perfect on this Mothers Day. We drank Chocolate Chai Wedding Tea, ate 3 kinds of gourmet scones among other really fattening foods, and giggled...a lot.

But what really moved me about this day and prompted my writing tonight was Nick. He just happened to be our waiter and the willing recipient of a barrage of questions that would have us feeling like family within 3 minutes. Nick literally danced in and out of our atmosphere with a smile that pulled you into his world, all the while never missing a beat keeping our plates and cups full. He had really beautiful eyes that sparkled with gold flecks as he talked about his passions and the joy he took in doing whatever it takes to make it here in the "big city." Somehow in this small space, he even found room for a glorious high kick that totally won my heart and reminded me of why I love this city so much.

Being the inquisitive "child" that I am, and being the open book that he was, I found myself getting answers way beyond what he was saying. We of course left him with an awesome tip and lots of "good thoughts" as we pulled greatness out of this MAN OF GOD and amazing Father, who just doesn't know it yet.

Later that evening as I was preparing to lead worship, all I could think about was how Nick was created in God's image. I had seen facets of God in him, that young mother, and that perfect baby girl that I would have never seen had I not met them and asked questions about their lives. As I worshiped with songs I have sung 1000 times, I saw this laughing God with gold flecks in His eyes take great delight in my questions, giving me more than I asked for, and showering me with favor, love, high kicks, and hugs.

Worship was different Sunday night. I saw New York City and the entire world in that room. I saw glimpses of the BRIDE that I had never seen. I saw facets of this awesome God and Creator who I love and adore that I hadn't seen before. It left me completely undone and took me places in His heart I hadn't gone before. That is where I have stayed since then.....undone and totally in love.

 

Amazing Sometimes Gets Even Better

I heard someone say once that they hadn't really found anything to be passionate about. That is completely CRAZY and most definitely something that would never come from these lips. Sometimes I feel like a balloon that is about to burst with just one more tiny breath of air! As I watched the Hulk begin to explode out of his "normal" at the movies last night, I kinda understood and even related a little (minus the green skin and incredible anger management issues). There is so much passion for life trapped in this little happy girl that sometimes I don't think it's actually possible to contain it!

Today, I walked the same streets I have walked many times before in NYC and watched "amazing" get even better. My heart began to attach reality to the dreams that have been spinning in my head and imagination for years. I don't actually have the keys to the buildings that will be mine, but I began to feel the floor under my bare feet, follow the curve of walls that don't conform to square rules under my fingertips, and hear the sounds of creativity vibrating from the memory of the plaster, brick, glass, and steel. I could hear laughter that would never have to be quieted or squelched. I felt the vibration of dancers pounding and painting the floor with their footprints and sweat. It is a beautiful thing. 

Today I laughed, smiled, rolled my eyes, and then laughed my head off even more with friends who can smell the fragrance of change as much as I can. This is it. This is the moment where everything changes and what was previously over the top amazing gets even better. This is the season where you reconcile with what you were always created for. This is the time where you become way more comfortable in the "unseen realm" than you are with "the facts." This is the day where you "settling" is not even remotely in your realm of thinking because you know WHOSE son or daughter you are and THAT pretty much settles it. This is the instant where your passion gets exposed and celebrated like 4th of July with the Empire State building as a backdrop. (Que "Firework" from Katy Perry) This is the split second when you EXPLODE into the millions of spectacular pieces you are and get carried away to the ends of the earth to simply be amazing and do the impossible stuff. 

This crazy, passionate, impossible dreaming, loving, laughing, and creating YOU is simply the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, experienced, and lived. I like it. I am keeping it. I am living it. I suggest you do the same.

I Used To Write Love Songs

You know those people who are ridiculously in love and just can't stop talking about it? It's like...somehow the sky is always the perfect shade of blue. The sun literally follows them around...even at night time. The moon tugs on their heart as powerfully as it pulls the tides. Even when it's raining, it's not annoying because each drop of water carries a rainbow reflection of the bigger picture. That person can see romance and beauty in a single daisy pushing up from the crack in a filthy sidewalk. Even just writing about this stuff makes their heart do flip flops!!! Hahahahaha

You see, I used to write love songs. I believed in a love that was so strong, so deep, and so perfect that it could draw two people from across the globe into a moment that would change their lives in one instant. I would stand next to an ocean and experience the passionate love of the Creator, knowing that somewhere there was someone as impressed with Him as I was. I would lay in the grass and try to count the stars while remembering the prophetic words, the promises, the hopes, the dreams, and even the realities that made me believe it was more than just possible. I would take an amazing movie and re-write the ending to be even better and then swear it was actually in the script.

I actually believed 2 little single girls could show up on the scene in NYC and see a cultural revolution. I had the audacity to believe we could rise above what society around us defined as "the solid facts." I was that girl...the one some might label as having a "Pollyanna", "everything's puppy dogs and rainbows", "out of touch with reality" view of life that would do nothing more than set me up for disappointment. I was that larger than life lover who simply wouldn't take anything less than the "happily ever after" in life, love, work and play. That was me.

Then, reality set in. The truth came exploding into my daydream. My little happy bubble popped. The sky opened up, birds started chiming in to what the angels were singing, the clouds started painting love notes about my smile, and my heart had wings like a hummingbird.....ALL OF A SUDDEN, I woke up from the dream! The alarm clock screamed into my moment and jolted me back to my NOW...the TRUTH...the FACTS...the CONSTANT...the REAL...planet Earth.

I laughed OUT LOUD because I realized I had set my expectations too low and needed to turn it up a notch to even begin to touch HIS REALITY EXPLODING INTO MINE. Then, I laughed some more, smiled the biggest smile, and knew I was even more in love than I was before.

Passion Cannot Stay Under Wraps Forever

I should be packing for a trip to California right now that I leave for in 3 hours, but my heart is bursting with color and passion. The story of my life is beautiful and flawed, as most perfect masterpieces are. The fun thing about where I am "living" now is that after years of putting a "safety" lid on my passion, it has now grown with such beautiful fury that there is no container big enough to hold it.

Just flashed back to being a little girl sitting in my mama's art studio with a tiny red hammer in one hand and a paintbrush in the other. When you are immersed in an atmosphere of creativity and given a blank canvas, it will literally pull on your greatness and beckon you to ignore all limits. It is in that place that you really have no choice but to fly, dance, invent, and create, even if sometimes you ask for a few lines to color inside.

Like most people (besides Peter Pan), I grew up, though many would argue that point. I have always carried a measure of freedom and been extremely passionate, but at some point let fear and intimidation creep into the cabin of my heart. What was once fleshed out in innocent randomness, got more complicated with rules attached and goals to reach. The passion needed to be a little more contained and less messy in order to make sure everyone was comfortable. Hmmmm...sounds yucky to to even write those words, but it's what happened...hahahaha....but just for a little while.

There were miracles of color, dreams, passion, and even flying that left spectacular road marks in the story of my life and that are responsible for breaking me out of that silly box of fear that had covered the mysteriously intricate cabin of my heart. Now, I am happy to say that I have gracefully matured back into that beautiful imperfect child. I am the one with an awkward dance that continues to lead me through the romance of the life of a surrendered girl, who is nothing special, but just has the audacity to say yes to her LOVE and MAKER.

Just like most of the important moments of my life, I find myself again at a cliff, excited and a little nervous to jump off into the unknown world of trust and even greater passion. The only thing I know with certainty is the safety of His hand to catch me. One of my greatest loves is to take as many people as I can to the cliff and teach them to fly and dance on the wind. I have learned that fear has no wings, so it's good to jump off cliffs now and then while laughing hysterically at what's left behind you. 

Falling recklessly into His heart is just the best thing ever. Let's do it together...me and you. I have a feeling it's gonna be really BIG and really FUN. Here's the deal...I will totally go without you, but it would be way more awesome to take the leap in mass.

There are MOMENTS that are "GAME CHANGERS"

There are moments in your life that are "game changers." This weekend was that for me. The crazy thing about it is that this has been a regular occurrence lately. Anyone who has walked with me for the last month and a half has seen the REAL Aaron emerge more and more every day. I thought she was already on the scene until God surprisingly put a mirror in front of me in a way I never thought possible. I saw me. I saw me the way He saw me. Then, something beautiful happened. Simply...I fell in love. I fell in love with me...Aaron the girl...the daughter...the lover...the friend...the creator...the pastor...the one who God chose to be the object of His affection.

That moment changes everything. The filters disappear and you realize that YOU are the one God is talking about...the one who sits in Heavenly places with Him...the one who was created in His image...the one who was created to be the BEST receiver there ever was. The joy and happiness you walked in before moves from just being a beautiful jacket you can take on and off, to becoming like your skin. In fact, it becomes the very fiber of your being. It doesn't depend on "good news" to keep it, and it won't be shaken when the "stuff of life" makes an offering. Awww....I am wrecked by LOVE and wrecked by JOY.

So, back to this weekend....I was in the presence of 3 heroes who stirred my heart. One was a beautiful man who raises the dead for fun and picks fights with devils because he knows the power of his God. In thinking about the marvels of what this man walks in, I remembered what God called me to do. Then, God very gently asked me, "So Aaron...how many dead people have you actually prayed for lately?" OK...it's time to be normal and do what Jesus did.

Then, a mother, a general, and a woman of God who rescues babies from brothels and actually changes the economic structure of entire regions by co-laboring with the Creator blew on the flame that was already inside me and a volcano began to erupt. Nothing major...just saying "YES" to God, taking the first step, and watching God explode HIS reality. Game on!!

And lastly, but with probably the most impact...there was a beautiful 9 year old little girl who gave me at least 10 perfect hugs throughout the weekend. She looked at me like I was a hero and it made me want to be one more than anything. I told her that she was extraordinary and would make history and she believed me. Perfect!!!!